Wednesday, April 6, 2011

(E) Easter Eggs and Other Contrivances

Other than celebrating the obvious religious aspects of Easter, I have always tried to make the holiday a fun and exciting time for my children.

At first it was easy.

When they were young, a plastic basket with fake grass and a hollow bunny was enough to satisfy them. But as they grew older they wanted to dye their own eggs, decorate them, hide them, hunt them- and then proceed to eat those mangled symbols of some invisible bunny.

They were lucky that I was a mother who worshiped Martha Stewart. She was the goddess of ultimate hospitality, creativity, innovation and presentation. And if I couldn't be Audrey Hepburn, then I wanted to be Martha- a busy bee that whipped up decorative beauty at the blink of an eye and caused the entire neighborhood to gossip about my talent. And I wanted my children to constantly be in pure awe and adoration of my creative genius.

I'm glad Martha went to jail.

If she had been sentenced for the very fact that she bamboozled the entire female population into believing that these projects of hers were easy and fun- then justice would have been well served. She ought to be ashamed that she falsely portrayed a smiling, calm, and perfectly organized woman at the helm of these hair-brained ideas.

Yes, she could weave a set of drapes with dental floss, tile her patio with broken coconut shells, and whip up an omelet that looked like Abraham Lincoln. But, she never had three kids at her feet while she dyed Easter eggs.

Do you realize the impending disaster that six open bowls of dye, magic crayons, and glitter can cause? Do you know what catastrophe can be induced by fighting children with weapons of hard boiled eggs and jelly beans? Do you grasp the fact that sweet-looking pastel eggs will eventually turn black after being dunked in dye seventeen times? Do you comprehend the square footage of paper towels, napkins and newspaper required for decorating a mere dozen eggs? Do you even fathom the mess that is left after one of these so-called Martha activities?
I tell you now- It's not a good thing.

As my children grew up, I finally grew out from beneath Martha's shadow. I went back to making frozen pizzas instead of grinding flour for my own crusts and milking the neighbors goat for fresh cheese. I bought my kitchen curtains at KMart instead of making my own from left-over bread ties and dryer sheets. I no longer cared if the dinner table was set with real napkins, crystal water glasses, and the appropriate utensils. I went back to paper plates, Big Gulp cups from the local gas station, and to letting them wipe their messy mouths on their sleeves. 
And Easter egg dying was totally banned from my household. 

I truly believe with all my heart that God made plastic eggs for a reason...

All my regular followers know that I have tried to make the middle of the week a Goodwill Wednesday here on my blog. I had been having trouble uploading pictures because my internet is totally screwy- but I managed to get a few before and afters of my latest project.
So, here's my Goodwill Wednesday:

I saw this table at a yard sale.

I asked the guy what he wanted for it- he looked at me strangely- and said, "How about a dollar?"
I really believe if I had argued with him, he would have given me a dollar to haul it off.
Later, I realized that the sides were bolted up and wouldn't fold down, but I just removed them.

Anyway...thanks to my sister Tina for storing this on her front porch till I had time to rescue it. I know her neighbors were pretty sure that a porch couch would be coming next and then the whole neighborhood would go to Hell...
...but most people didn't look at that old rusty table and see what I saw:

Perfect for my back bathroom... 


mybabyjohn said...

Great work on salvaging that old metal typewriter table. And it still has its wheels...
Martha Stewart? Don't even go there. That woman gave me such an inferiority complex you wouldn't believe.

mshatch said...

wow! that table looks fabulous. And I love the color; it's very close to the color of the walls in my bathroom.

Beth said...

Well, i don't have kids so I can't empathize but I do remember knocking over a bowl o dye the Saturday before Easter one year as I ran frantically from my little brother before hitting a door and falling backwards w/ my teeth through my tongue. So I'm sure it is disastrous.

Jan Morrison said...

I'm with ya. Go directly to jail Martha. I think you might have said 'hare-brained' though. Just a thought.
I do like her recipe books though. And they are do-able recipes. Very important.
I love that table and you probably won't like this but isn't it just a little bit Martha Stewart of you to do that????ha!
Jan Morrison

sisterlinda said...

Grandkids and Easter eggs...FUN? NOT! It always excites me to get the eggs boiled, the dyes mixed and wait to see the smiles on their faces. Well, the smiles come, the laughter and then the TOTAL mess! I myself like the deep dark blues, yellows or purples but by the time the kids get finished there are indeed browns, greys and blacks! WHAT? Does a kid ever totally listen to Nana? They do have fun and the mess can be cleaned up but the picture in head is NOT the same as the one that just played out in reality!

Another amazing make over for the yard sale find. I wouldn't have glanced twice at that old ugly rusty table...REALLY? Only you can find the beauty in a castoff...and I love that color blue. Great find and great use!

Tracy said...

Hahaha, I love your table and what a find! It's beautiful sitting in the corner and quite a pretty color!
As far as conveniences Yeah, what is it about life that the easy way out is better? Not always, but certainly a lot of times.

Tracy said...

Just found your blog and love this statement...."If she had been sentenced for the very fact that she bamboozled the entire female population into believing that these projects of hers were easy and fun- then justice would have been well served."...just love it.

Name: Luana Krause said...

Cute table! Totally agree with you about Martha. LOL

Dafeenah said...

I totally agree. If Martha didn't have a bazillion assistants then there is no way she could seem so perfect. I totally love the goodwill table. Beats Martha's hands down.


Beth Zimmerman said...

What a gift you have for finding beauty in the mundane! I never would have seen that cheerful little cart in an ugly typewriter table! I bet you could give Martha a run for her money! :)

Kris Yankee said...

Fellow A to Z'er stopping by. Totally agree with you about Martha!

GigglesandGuns said...

Cool idea for the table.
You are so right about children, coloring eggs and Martha. It took me months to get the non-staining colors out of everything that wasn't an egg.


Diann said...

LOL! I LOVE this post!! You had me cracking up. I can so relate to this. God is good in his wisdom of plastic colored eggs!

Beverly said...

I too have fallen prey to the web that is Martha. Your post cracked me up. Because it's true!!!

Love your table transformation, it turned out so cute.

I've discovered your blog via the A-Z blogger challenge and I'm happy I did. Would love for you to stop by.

Blue Velvet Vincent

GAIL said...

Great choice on that old table. And you made it the perfect color. It sure would fit well into my old house!
Hugs, Gail

Margaret Hall said...

Back from yesterday's volunteering and the "dust has settled" and I am huffin' and puffin' to catch up on my FAVE blog here~!
First to those crazy dyed (died) eggs that we did with real regiment and they said, "What's next"?...Yes, the dye would have done in EVEN the linoleum floor, and DID do in their T-Shirts~!! Brought back GOOD memories, though, and yeah---Martha Stewart makes me uncomfortable, it's like she is cloned or something!!
The GW table is awesome, love the color and the use~!! You are clever in your salvage and the BEST in bloggin', chum~!!
Love ya'~!

JL Dodge said...

Surprise me button is so awesome ... it brought us to your wonderfully fun blog...
we will return !