Spunky Old Broads- Unite!!!

**(Outrageous, unattractive photos: courtesy of  our Sister Weekends! Thanks girls!)**

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. " ~Samuel Ullman

The fatter years

 I couldn't let too many days of February slip by without announcing that this is Spunky Old Broads Month!  Described online as a month long celebration for all women over 50 who are interested in living a regret-free life.

If you are still a young, vibrant, still-gives-a -crap- what -you- look- like- when- you- get -the mail kind of gal, then you can skip this blog altogether today. Or read it and weep...

Wanna live a regret-free life? Continue on to discover frightening coming events in your life- and lessons from the professionals.

"The years teach much which the days never knew."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have no idea what we were doing here

I've been a Spunky Old Broad for almost five years. (Calendar wise.) But inside I think I've only recently taken hold of the spunky spirit within me and gained some type of control of this sucky aging process. Here's what I've learned:

Lesson One: 
Don't sweat it.
If you can still tie your shoes and wipe your butt, you're doing great! What you have to realize is that most of us still feel nineteen at heart. We still like rock music, cute clothes, good sex and deep dish pepperoni pizza.
Life doesn't stop at fifty. (Unless you die.)

Lesson Two:

You don't have to be a mean Spunky Old Broad.
Don't park your cart in the middle of the aisle at WalMart.
Don't be rude to the kid at the grocery store that short changed you two pennies.
Don't bark, curse, kick, screech or grunt in public.
Be polite. Smile.
Anger will not make you younger, richer, or more powerful. It just makes you look like a mean old lady that everyone wants to avoid... Or kill.

Lesson Three:
Dress according to your attitude - not your age.
Spunky old broads avoid elastic-waist stretchy jeans, granny pants, hair nets, rain bonnets,
ugly hats and orthopedic shoes.
Spunky old broads always wear a good-fitting bra, a hint of makeup, have their hair styled attractively, and continue to wear their dentures when leaving the confines of home.
There is nothing that shouts "OLD" quicker than a toothless, witchy-haired woman with boobs that are tucked into the elastic-waist of her stretchy jeans....(with an inch of granny pants showing).

Lesson Four:
Manage your bodily noises and urges. Listen to your body and silence it as necessary.
Refrain from farting, burping, creaking, shuffling, and polka dancing.
Don't attempt cartwheels, break dancing, high jumping or one-legged pirouettes.
Don't flirt with young boys, envy young women, or baby-talk to your imaginary pet.
Sit straight, don't drool. Avoid snorting, gurgling, snoring and gasping for breath.
But don't fool yourself. Always take the elevator.

Lesson Five:
Find your spunk.
Be who you are and not what your friends and family expect you to be. Personality and individualism shouldn't diminish with age- it should ripen.
If you want to ride a roller coaster, paint a wall purple, take a dance class, enroll in college or color that gray hair- just do it! Life is too short to wait-and-see.
Adopt a positive attitude, a charming smile, a friendly voice, and a loving ambiance.
Be you. Be your favorite age-and then don't look back.
(That being said- never embarrass yourself with mini-skirts, overflowing cleavage, pigtails, stilettos, or membership to a nude beach.)

Disco party 09

To all you Spunky Old Broads- let us celebrate! 

It's our month! It's our life! It's our world!

Wrestle it to the ground and give it a belly kiss...